Good evening, and welcome.

Snakevalley makes it’s welcome return to the electroinfosphere following a global petition for its ressurrection that culminated in a rally of thousands of free-minded people from all six corners of the globe at a specially organised concert in Villinus last week.

"Never before have so many gathered for so righteous a cause," Alap Kinglake, professor of Modern History at Hashsluss University, told an academic journal in relation to another incident entirely.

To celebrate the historic event, your editor, flushed from the overwhelming clamour for his return, found the mental and physical fortitude to emerge from his Iron lung (defying the medical advice of India’s greatest doctors) and use his staggering influence to invite some notable figures from diverse domains of interest to come together for the first of many planned free debates. These multi tête a tête a tête (s), christened Cerebral Collisions by their language fiddling creator will be transcribed here on this website and all are at liberty to disperse them hither and yon in order to spread enlightenment. As the man himself says of this new venture to reach the media-dulled masses and liberate minds; "Listen, I couldn’t care less who reads it really. Get your hands off me, you’re hurting my arm!"

The first debate, which took place in Ultunrosk thermal baths in Lithuania saw Chinese Premier Hu Jintao, concerned musician Sting, Snooker star Neal Foulds, Libyan strongman Muammar Gaddafi, circus strongman The Great Collossus and rapper Foxy Brown gathered around a floating chess board with one of those timers on the top.

The topic for this innagural debate was, to stay current, Global Warming. "Something that affects us all, from Archbishop to silverfish" remarked the editor, tellingly.

SV – First of all I want to thank all of you for coming here today, getting naked in this finely salted private swimming pool to discuss this issue, and moreover for helping me beat my writer’s block.

Sting – Well….ok. You know, actually, its got nothing to do with that last thing. We’re here for no other reason but to talk about the way the planets headed unless a lot of people change their habits, in a very real way.

SV – Yes of course. But..

Sting – What I, and the other Friend of the Earth want to see in the immediate future is a radical re-thinking of how we’re going to approach energy and that doesn’t just include..

HJ – Ha ha, velly funny!

Sting – What is? I hope you’re not referring to global warming?

HJ – No. Sting say Friend of the Earth! That mean Sting have only one friend!

Sting – No I didn’t. I said Friends of the Earth.

HJ – Not sound like that! Sound like Sting and him friend only ones care about Earth! Ha ha

SV – Well ok, lets the bring the Chinese into the debate. Mr Jintao, your country hasn’t had the best press recently in terms of International environmental agreements?

HJ – That not question. You just raise intonation of voice at end like standard TV journalist. You crap!

FB – The issue stands Mr Jintao. Is it not true that China is planning to build 80 more coal plants in the next ten years? Something that will have disastrous impacts for the Polar ice caps. Already your country has a shocking record and is the one of the most polluted places on earth along with India.

HJ – Is not true you jailbird who drink and drive? You worse!

MG – Look, I don’t think we can be so quick to judge the Chinese. Why don’t we look at the US and their abandonning of the Kyoto agreement? Or what about Scotland? They have many coal mines.

NF – Why are you looking at me? I’m not Scottish. And I don’t even think Scotland has that many coal mines anyway.

MG – You would look me in the eye and say that?

SV – Alright. Lets get back to the issue at hand. What can we do, as a race, to make life reasonably bearable for the next generation in terms of the kind of planet we’re going to leave behind? The Great Collosus?

TGC – You know, I’ve never really thought about it. And to be honest, being sterile, I don’t think I care very much.

FB – He’s right. Hybrid cars are only the first step. We need to look at renewable energy from all manner of diverse fields, wheat, rapeseed, elbowgrease..

HJ – Hey Neal Foulds! You drug addict! Ha ha!

NF – Well, hardly. Those beta blockers were prescribed to me to help me through a difficult time. You have no idea of the what the pressure is like in world class snooker.

HJ – You no good commentator on Eurosport either! My cousin sent me tapes, I laugh till I ill.

Sting – How is this relevant to the issue at hand?

SV – I want to bring Colonel Gaddafi back into this. I think your country could go a long way to helping transform the political arena in the middle east which could pave the way for stability, and thus create the rubric for reassesing our dependance on oil reserves.

Sting – Those are MY notes you’re reading!

SV – Oh, you’re writing is just the same as mine! What a coincidence.

Sting – It’s typed.

SV – Yeah. I meant, the way you….type is the same as me. Same style you know.

FB – Look. I see myself sitting here with all those powerful and influential people and Neil Foulds and I tell myself ‘here is a chance to reach out into so many different areas and really work to change the destiny of this beautiful planet, if we only had the courage to go that extra step’. What we need are more battery recycling plants, less dependance on fossil fuel, more

HJ – What wrong with fossil fuel? It rule. You suck Foxy Brown!

Sting – What we’re looking at here is the need to make bold, strong leadership decisions. It’s not enough for us in the West to develop renewable energy but we also have to convince the developing industrial regions not to follow our historical path of destruction.

M G – So basically to deny them their own industrial revolution despite the fact that your countries got rich off the back of it?

NF – You’re not exactly on the breadline Colonel! I remember I was in Libya in 1993 playing against Tony Knowles in the Desert Classic tournament and we had the chance before the game to visit one of your old villas. I tell you, it was no bled! I remember well, James Wattana making us all laugh by pretending to rape himself with one of your bedposts!

HJ – Ha ha. You lose that game too! You pot white on the black when game should have been won! Have that on tape too!

TGC – Why is there a chessboard floating here?

SV – I thought it would set the scene. Lend an air of thoughfulness to the thing.

TGC – No, no, it does, it does.

Sting – Well I think we can all agree on one thing here. And that’s that carbon emissions are simply not something to be bartered with, this business of trading caps is just a money-making racket which serves, once again, to line the pockerts of industrial captains.

FB – Indeed. Instead of tackling the problem we have decided to turn it into a political game, just look at governor Shwarzeneggers tactics. That’s not environmentalism. That’s lobbying plain and simple.

SV – Did you hear that they were thinking of getting Vin Diesel to play the Terminator in the next movie?

Sting – Really? That’s ridiculous. It’ll ruin the franchise forever. He doesn’t have the presence.

NF – That’s terrible news!

MG – I didn’t think they could go any lower than the third one already!

FB – That’s not fair, there was a few good ideas in it.

TGC – It tried to hard to be T2, for me.

HJ – Me not so sure. Fast and Furious 2 Tokyo Rush was crap without him. He make robot work!

SV –We’ll leave it there.