Antonio Banderas.

I’m firing on all cylinders.
Gone are the days of……..rainbows….no, no, wait that’s Nick Cave, gone are the days of feeling flaked all God-damn the time as I’m back to 100% maximum fitness.
It was a painful struggle for a while as the pegs and lungs strained against months of inertia and produced more lactic acid than you could shake a shivering hamstring at, but alls a-poppin well now.
I’ve been running and stretching and pumping and pulling hard this past while and finally I’ve hewn my body back into its optimal shape.
You see, it’s just much easier to get shit done when you’re not fagged and fashed all the live-long day. And what with often having to forego sleep due to taking it to the Outer Limits, I need all the extra reserves I can muster.
So what’s there to blog about? Well your honour, I’m so confident in my client’s innocence that I’m willing to waste the court’s time by rating the super-hunks.
So here we go!!
Dom Cruth –
Gotta pronounce it like a swarthy voice-over guy from Italy. Dom is pretty good for action films and the like of it. I suppose I like him for Napoleonic reasons. And he seems to be a bit of a Go-Boy with the ladies. Some good performances under the belt, Magnolia, (I swear I’ll drop-kick that motherfucking dog if he goes near me) and Interview With The Vampire.
Four out of five Swoons!
Brad Aniston nee Pitt –
Slowly getting his identity back after shedding his NOW! Magazine image along with his big-nosed bint. A seriously cool actor and seems like a good guy. Can he act? Who knows, but he does a mean knacker, and for that he gets the nod.
Three and-a-half Knee-Wobbles!
Huge Grant –
What a fuckhead. I’d burst his lung with a biro if I had to share a waltzer cup with him
0 heaving bosoms.
That Lad from the Women’s Films –
I loved him in that thing I saw him in. The one where he knobbed all those women and they thought he was great and fell in love with him. Oh yeah, Hugh Jackman.
8 Adamantium claws out of 10.
The Hunk Of Ice That Sunk The Titanic-
What a bastard. I can respect sinking a ship and drowning loads of toffs but if he hadn’t done that then that fucking movie would never have been made which means that song would never have been screeched. Boo!
1 floating corpse out of 400.
2004 MN4 –
The asteroid that’s due to hit earth and destroy it in 2029. What a prick of a thing to do. Could it not just star in a dreary coming of age rom-com with Lindsay Lohan?
I’ll only be 51. Yeah, worst hunk ever.
-six mlllion years of evolution out of 84.


Ah, I’ve enough of this.

Keep away from yourselves.

Rails succumb to run

So, he did it.
John Frusciante that is. My favourite artist. What did he do? Well, he promised to release six albums in six months starting from The Will to Death right up to Curtains which I purchased on Valentines Day. Brilliant stuff the lot of it. It’s hard for me to rate the albums as they are all so different and you need to be in a certain head-space for each one. I’ll try though. Including the first two albums outside of that project.
To Record Only Water For Ten Days –
Outrageously sublime in almost every respect. His voice range is stretched to its awesome limit on this one. 9/10
Shadows Collide With People –
Blew me away as the electronica was so intriguing rather than just pure guitar driven pieces. So many instruments messed with, vocalisations fucked around with and the depth of feeling in the songs is profound. 10/10
The Will To Death –
Less experimental than Shadows, more like the first album than anything but still more restrained and the lyrical content is less obscure. 9/10
Automatic Writing –
Not so much a John record as it was released under the Ataxia name and so is 50per cent Josh Klinghoffer. Very strange and more like a soundtrack or movie score. 6/10
DC.Ep –
By this stage you just want the songs to return to his cathartic voice and virtuoso riffs. Not long enough either. 5/10
Inside Of Emptiness –
Ah. Brilliant. I love this album so much. It reminds me of Raw Power era Iggy and boasts the most lyrics that I wish I had written myself. Soulful and frightening in it’s power.
If ‘Look On’ was the only song I could ever listen to for the rest of my life I would be content. No, delighted! 10/10
Spheres In The Hearts of Silence –
Took a lot longer to get into this one than any of the others and there’s a lot of loneliness and lack of hope throughout. Doesn’t often get a spin, but Josh outsings John on this one interestingly. 5/10
Curtains –
I’m still living with this last record and I’m enjoying the life I’m living no end so does that colour the music better or is it reflecting as it would anyway? Still, back to basics on half the songs and wildly experimental on the others. The result is, well it’s genius.
It just sounds like your ear was designed to hear these sounds as presented in exactly this form. A great finish. 8 or 9/10, I have to see how it layers onto my brain.

As for Love Day itself, that was grand. A couple of bottles of Le Terroir and Bayeux, The Village on DVD. Carefully avoided all commercial cheese and in fact, all went swimmingly. A ridiculous amount of other stuff has been happening but I can’t even begin to start to commence attempting to remember any of it. So I’ll just do last night.
I left Dr. Fell to look after the Tiger (TCB man, cheers) while I went to Erol Alkan in Temple Bar Music Centre. What could we do there only get fucked up? And that came to pass. You meet such nice people at these events, then headlock them. A bale-back to Eavan’s was had later, thankfully no more tidying up D’aungier Street for me, where everyone chilled and painted. It was like some psychedelic primary school art class. Only with the people I know! And I love all of them,…hmm….residual effects there…Ah no. They’re good. I’m blessed.
Finally headed back to the lair at about 5 or so, and she was up, and I was UP and also UP!
Whack! Bang! Smack! Kiss! BANG BANG BANG!

Ah, Shtop.

Hi Mum!

I couldn’t be better.
Well, maybe I could do without this skull-shattering headache, but all in all I can’t complain.
I just fucking can’t.
Three different colours of wine, some beer, some this that and the other are responsible for the relentless pummelling behind my eyeballs but it’s only pain, and it was fun creating it.
I’ve been drinking a breathtaking amount of booze recently, truly inspirational. I like to think that people might look back at my gargling life one day and present me with an award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Drinking, or some such ball licks.
Last night was a handy one. Nice soiree in Eavan’s with food from her fair hand, chilled out had Chinese drawing session with Leo, the haze of craze soon descended and everyone was banging or twanging some instrument or howling blissful little snippets of no tune whatsoever. Spice o’ life.
Sorted La Grenouille out with a gaff so I did
I’m a great man, she was looking for two weeks with constant failure until I sat down with the Herald rang the first number, got the address, went down and told the landlord what was what and that was that. None of your shite.
Where? Gardiner Street. Back of the net.

So, since Cowzer listed 29 things that suck – ass and I took him to task over it (And I see it’s not 5x anymore!)
I’ll have to dig deep and retort-
Things That Rule –
1. The saying: "Fuck you you fucking fuck."
2. Roidin’
3. Boozin’
4. Rock.
5. Football. (had to get those four out of the way)
6. Text messaging! You don’t have to talk to otherfuckers anymore!
7. Radge.
8. Radgery.
9. Radging .
10. Bill Hicks.
11. Ghostbusters
12. Family Guy.
13. Manchester United.
14. The way Liverpool fans think they have a shot at the title every year.
15. Gary Neville
16. Al Pacino.
17. Not ‘working’ as such.
18. Deriding others who fail to share your worldview.
19. Punching someone in the face.
20. Cracking one off in the shower.
21. Pixies.
22. Breaking on thru’
23. Being the impaler and not the impaled.
24. Living alone.
25. Accumulator’s coming off.
26. Die Hard.
27. Headlocks.
28. Reading the Sunday papers on the jacks. Plus supplements.
29. Living on credit.

And that’s just me lazily converting your original answers.
Other stuff rules as well but I’m not arsed actually drinking too hard about it.
Here, something interesting, go to www.cowser.blogspot.com. Fancy lady? Well fancy that.


Go with God.